Poems: Forgotten and Recently Found

When I was going through my sketchbooks and old letters, I found these poems. I'm not a poet, but I like to write my thoughts down. I wrote all with the exception of the last four poems.

Sadness
My soul is filled
with sadness–
deep as an ancient river
dark, and still.

A Child
In my mother's house,
I dust.
In my father's house,
I am silent.

The Place I Once Called Home
You gather the sun
and scatter its light
like a pool of mercury
heavy and fluid.
You move with still, complete motion
cooling my feet,
soothing my mind.

Lost
Feeling confused, I look inside
but I find nothing.
Searching for an answer, I look to heaven
but I do not feel Him.

For Toby 09/27/1989
Help me to remember you
the way you were
when you had life in your eyes
and joy in your smile.
Help me to see you the way you were –
not as I see you in my dreams.
Hiding in cold gray shadows,
you sit, filled with despair.
Your eyes are soul-less and cheeks hollow
your lips white and wax-like.
your fingertips cold and bloodless.
Help me to remember you
the way you were
when you had life.

Irretrievable Youth
Her eyes, like a waking babe's–
the cool white of a spring cloud.
Her cheeks–
firm like summer plums.
Her skin–
the color of toasted almonds.
Her youth, irretrievable
a youth–
no longer mine.

Bicycles
Pubescent boys on bicycles,
thrusting power between their thighs.
Confused and full of explosive energy,
they wander through the city streets
in frenzied desperation.

Haunting
You haunt my dreams
when the moon is full,
and my heart receptive.
You hover above my body and
kiss my mouth like a hummingbird
sucking nectar from a flower.
Oh, haunt me again
for your lips are of honey,
sweet and thick–
your whispers like the wind,
rustling through the leaves in a forest
on a hot summer day.
Oh haunt me again–
I pray.

Obsession
Like incessant hunger pangs
thoughts of you do not leave me.
They throb within my being and
gnaw away at my soul--
slowly consuming who I was before.

Untitled and undated
My hope is that this be mutual obsession
that incessantly tugs at my heart at night
and not merely self-obsession that deludes me
and drives me to this state of mind at daylight.
Or could it be that you conjure me up
simply to create in me this endless preoccupation
for what purpose I do not know.
Might you be a sorcerer or
is my soul just unwilling to ever let go?

Untitled (from David Spargur when he was my husband to be)
I finally found who I
was looking for
A piece of my soul
that I have known before

You know that I love her
You know that I care
But I'll never bind her
She'll have to come here

An arc of energy
between two poles
white hot glowing
through to my soul

I thought I'd seen it before
But now I know I was wrong
There could only be one time
That I'd sing this song

A Poem That I Received Years Ago (from EW)
This morning for want of you, I pined and ached –
this afternoon, I endured the plight of the morning.
Tonight, should there not be the slightest allusion to me in your dreams,
tomorrow shall be as empty as today,
when I neither see, nor hear from you, Pilar.

Another Poem That I Received Years Ago
Missing You
In the absence of your presence,
faith and trust secures your throne
love not space is of the essence
you are here–though you are  gone.
Nay you say.
Then so be it–but give a smile to expose your jest.
I pray that you will one day see it
that which to me is manifest.

I Crave Your Mouth by Pablo Neruda
I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.