When I was going through my sketchbooks and old letters, I found these poems. I'm not a poet, but I like to write my thoughts down. I wrote all with the exception of the last four poems.
Sadness My soul is filled with sadness– deep as an ancient river dark, and still.
A Child In my mother's house, I dust. In my father's house, I am silent.
The Place I Once Called Home You gather the sun and scatter its light like a pool of mercury heavy and fluid. You move with still, complete motion cooling my feet, soothing my mind.
Lost Feeling confused, I look inside but I find nothing. Searching for an answer, I look to heaven but I do not feel Him.
For Toby 09/27/1989 Help me to remember you the way you were when you had life in your eyes and joy in your smile. Help me to see you the way you were – not as I see you in my dreams. Hiding in cold gray shadows, you sit, filled with despair. Your eyes are soul-less and cheeks hollow your lips white and wax-like. your fingertips cold and bloodless. Help me to remember you the way you were when you had life.
Irretrievable Youth Her eyes, like a waking babe's– the cool white of a spring cloud. Her cheeks– firm like summer plums. Her skin– the color of toasted almonds. Her youth, irretrievable a youth– no longer mine.
Bicycles Pubescent boys on bicycles, thrusting power between their thighs. Confused and full of explosive energy, they wander through the city streets in frenzied desperation.
Haunting (for EW) You haunt my dreams when the moon is full, and my heart receptive. You hover above my body and kiss my mouth like a hummingbird sucking nectar from a flower. Oh, haunt me again for your lips are of honey, sweet and thick– your whispers like the wind, rustling through the leaves in a forest on a hot summer day. Oh haunt me again– I pray.
Obsession (for EW) Like incessant hunger pangs thoughts of you do not leave me. They throb within my being and gnaw away at my soul-- slowly consuming who I was before.
Untitled and undated (for EW) My hope is that this be mutual obsession that incessantly tugs at my heart at night and not merely self-obsession that deludes me and drives me to this state of mind at daylight. Or could it be that you conjure me up simply to create in me this endless preoccupation for what purpose I do not know. Might you be a sorcerer or is my soul just unwilling to ever let go?
Untitled (from David Spargur when he was my husband to be) I finally found who I was looking for A piece of my soul that I have known before
You know that I love her You know that I care But I'll never bind her She'll have to come here
An arc of energy between two poles white hot glowing through to my soul
I thought I'd seen it before But now I know I was wrong There could only be one time That I'd sing this song
A Poem That I Received Years Ago (from EW) This morning for want of you, I pined and ached – this afternoon, I endured the plight of the morning. Tonight, should there not be the slightest allusion to me in your dreams, tomorrow shall be as empty as today, when I neither see, nor hear from you, Pilar.
Another Poem That I Received Years Ago (from EW) Missing You In the absence of your presence, faith and trust secures your throne love not space is of the essence you are here–though you are gone. Nay you say. Then so be it–but give a smile to expose your jest. I pray that you will one day see it that which to me is manifest.
I Crave Your Mouth by Pablo Neruda I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh, your hands the color of a savage harvest, hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight, hunting for you, for your hot heart, Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.